her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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