i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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