Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
