There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You are the jesus of drinking
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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