He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
