Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
