dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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