did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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