Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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