I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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