i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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