Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
