Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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