I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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