So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
