As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
