Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Terrible idea I love it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
