i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
