Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
