I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ugly people sure do ruin things
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
