At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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