Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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