At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
