i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
operation have a gay friend backfired
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
