I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
