Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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