i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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