Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
