Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
