I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i've created a new STD.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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