I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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