I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
