Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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