this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
