I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
