you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
