physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
