Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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