ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
