I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
