nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
