Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
