Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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