That's intense
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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