Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
