my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
