...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
