Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
