who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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