You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
