She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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