I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
