Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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