You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
