That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
